The first in a series of loosely considered gibberish on the ‘climate debate’.


That loveable wee pixie Greta Thunberg and all the other miserabilist eco-warriors would have us believe that the only way to solve the ‘climate crisis’ (note – this will be in quotation marks from here on in, so if you don’t like that I suggest you stop reading now) is to give up every aspect of life that may loosely be described as fun, don a hair shirt, wash our used yoghurt pots and the planet will be saved.

Now, setting aside the fact that even if we carried on as we currently do the planet will be absolutely fine (humans perhaps not so much, but all the bleatings about ‘save the planet’ are in reality a plea to ‘save humans’ and in the great scheme of things are humans really that important?), has it ever occurred to Ms. Thunberg et al that washing yoghurt pots and driving electric vehicles still won’t solve the problem?

Because we have that little issue of what used to be called the ‘Third World’ desperately and understandably striving for the kind of lifestyle we in the ‘First World’ have enjoyed for decades. And as they move inexorably towards that, all the issues of Co2 emissions and ecosystem breakdown that we have experienced for more than a century will inevitably continue, and probably get worse.

However, the solution is out there, as I realised last night after a not uncommon disaster in the kitchen. As the kind of philistine who regards food, and particularly its preparation, as a necessary evil best avoided if possible, I nevertheless returned from an evening’s surfing unable to avoid the need to cook something to sustain the inner man.

Needless to say the Italian concoction I cobbled together ended up burnt and encrusted to the bottom of the pan (I was distracted by Antiques Roadshow – anyone who doesn’t appreciate that Sunday night offering from the BBC really is the worst kind of rotter) and having scraped up and digested the least incinerated fragments I was left with the dilemma of how to rescue the carbonated pan from the rubbish tip (god forbid I should throw it away – at the very least I could use it as a garlic-scented helmet when the Martians invade).

Quick as a flash, human inventiveness came to the rescue in the form of a scouring pad, tucked away in a cabinet beneath the sink ready to spring into action in such dire emergencies.

As I effortlessly removed the incinerated remains of peppers, tomatoes and courgettes from the bottom of the pan with this triumph of kitchen hygiene, this thought occurred to me – if man/woman/them/they (I’m inclusive if nowt else) can so readily find a means of returning a literally incinerated item of kitchenware to its former pristine condition, sorting out the ‘climate crisis’ is the least of our worries, for the kind of inventive genius that came up with the scouring pad will also come up with a technological solution to the ‘climate crisis’.

And it will be for the simple reason that whoever comes up with a technological breakthrough that counters the ‘climate crisis’ stands to make an unimagined fortune, and nothing drives humans more than greed.

So, fret not – human ingenuity coupled with human greed will be the combination that ‘saves the planet’. But if it makes you feel better to continue washing your yoghurt pots and driving an EV, go ahead, it certainly isn’t doing any harm.